There are some things that are difficult to fix. In recent years, VIM Executive Coaching has encountered many executives who “tweeted and posted” social media posts that were failed attempts at humor; gossip sent to the wrong recipients; inappropriate comments ranging from the bodies of co-workers to salary information to expressing political rants.
We might add, the embarrassed, shamed executives were of both genders, various sexual orientations, political bents and all levels of the corporate hierarchy. It is impossible to walk back comments once they are made, and nearly impossible – certainly at first, to make amends.
Why do executives lead themselves down such roads?
In addition to being at least modestly addictive, social media often leads people into a disconnect from themselves, from their core. There is usage “at home” away from the job, and “in the office” when executives are responding to comments or grievances or inappropriate humor. After a while the lines blur, civility blurs and reason blurs.
It is tragic in a sense to mess up in that manner, for our business clients who have (mostly) and unintentionally insulted, demeaned, mocked or engaged in gossip in regard co-workers don’t know what to do with their embarrassment and shame.
Clearly, and as we have stated so many times before, we are all human but social media often makes us less human and more judgmental, flippant and inauthentic. VIM Executive Coaching, in talking with many business clients, understands that if executives could declare a “do-over” they would. They often feel “worse than awful.” At heart, 99-percent of us really don’t want to hurt others.
So why do executives lead themselves down such roads? Is it boredom at the office or in life? A belief that their use of social media is anonymous and no one will ever “find out,” or a flippancy as they imagine no one will be hurt by what that they joke about to others? We think all three, but that is not the cause of why people go down such roads. Here is our theory on social media craziness.
Mindfulness is humble
Social media often erases mindfulness. If there is a correction fluid product for the “two-thousand twenties,” it is social media. Our society moves, and changes and responds to stimulation so quickly, executives often don’t have time to take stock of themselves.
Some executives view social media at work (or at home) as comic relief. It is humorous in the nano-second but it can be tragic long-term if we let it. If improperly shared or used, even with the most benign of intentions, it can come back to haunt.
Our point is that social media is not humble, it is often arrogant. And truly, it can be misconstrued, much like a cute joke that turns mean and ugly.
We knew the case of a director of nursing who took a picture of her friend’s baby in the hospital and then posted it. She meant no harm, but it was a HIPAA violation and caused her termination. Similarly, we heard of a vendor who gave her (physical) assessment of an executive to someone she knew in the company. In her rush to engage in cheeky humor, she accidentally included other recipients. She lost the contract.
In a digital and social media age, it is so easy to make mistakes. The opposite of such mistakes is to be mindful, humble and aware that others may not understand what is being shared.
Is there relief for the humiliation?
Is there relief from improper social media shame and embarrassment? The most authentic executive who had made such a mistake, and similarly the other party who received the post, must come to grips with the inescapable truth that we are human. No one is perfect and no one – ever, has gone through life without messing up. Accept it fully.
However, it is essential to repair one’s mistakes. Own the apology. Make the apology. It is humbling and also empowering.
VIM Executive Coaching might also recommend training in mindfulness, and in being present so that an inadvertently poor attempt at humor or commentary is avoided in the future.
Meditate on your goof, take responsibility for it, but don’t stop living because of it. You must promise yourself, mindfully, that tomorrow you will be better.