Sitting by rivers, seeing rivers, going down to rivers, is an allusion in music, poetry and spiritual practice that may be as old as history itself. VIM Executive Coaching finds the imagery interesting, for rivers are often metaphors for peace, calm and “grounding.”
Unfortunately, sitting by rivers – even the thought of finding a place in our lives where we can re-center and refocus, seem to be fleeting imaginings far too often replaced by vibe-seeking, thrill pursuits or quick fixes.
Who cares about reflection?
Psychologist Tara Wells, writing in Psychology Today (July 5, 2023) stated:
“Take the time to reflect on your own thoughts, experiences, and biases. Reflective thinking helps you gain self-awareness, consider different perspectives, and evaluate your own reasoning.”
Dr. Wells is correct. The act of reflective thinking, of being responsive and not reactive is an important aspect of life that is being eroded.
Sandra Vargas in her October, 2023 article, “Why Thinking Before Acting is Crucial in Today’s Fast-Paced World,” wrote:
“Taking a step back and contemplating the problem lets you approach it from different perspectives, discover alternative solutions, and devise more creative problem-solving strategies. So, embrace the art of reflection and watch your problem-solving skills soar!”
The conclusions of the article seem to be “givens.” Of course, taking steps back and contemplating before acting are common pieces of knowledge, aren’t they? Yet, many executive leaders while instinctively understanding the importance of response and reflection over reaction often fail to take their own advice.
A classic study on the topic of self-reflection appeared in the Harvard Business Review going back to March 2017. One of the key points that was made:
“Reflection requires leaders to do a number of things they typically don’t like to do: slow down, adopt a mindset of not knowing and curiosity, tolerate messiness and inefficiency, and take personal responsibility. The process can lead to valuable insights and even breakthroughs — and it can also lead to feelings of discomfort, vulnerability, defensiveness, and irritation.”
Thoughtful response is difficult
Psychologists and consultants repeatedly tell us a hard-to-accept truth about self-reflection and measured response to leadership problems: executives are afraid of what they’ll find when they go inside.
As business coaches, we often experience executives fearful to admit past mistakes, personal biases, poor judgment, angry reactions and worse. We have heard past leadership “admissions” of all sorts; we have allowed leaders to share (sometimes tearfully) their mistakes, abrasive reactions, arrogance, even shame and regret. We never judge. In fact, we applaud the bravery it takes for a client to say, “I was wrong, I should have known better, I rushed into action over keeping my mouth shut”
It is hard to “look under the hood.” It is hard to summon the courage to simply sit by the river and reflect. However, with response comes tremendous growth and above that, wisdom. Sitting down and thinking for a bit yields tremendous results.
Response and reflection lead to mindfulness. Mindfulness is an art as well as a skill. An executive leader who is truly seen as being mindful, is also an executive leader who is seen as being responsive. This (response) is not an intellectual exercise, but is something borne of authenticity and even compassion in its truest sense.
In these digital times, it seems the most difficult of things for executives to do is to simply “sit by the river.” The ability is being lost, then again, so is mindfulness. The good news is that the river is still there, still waiting for executives to find it. For those committing to re-discovery, the rewards can be tremendous.