“Gaslighting” is a word that has crept into vernacular, and the word often comes up with new or prospective clients at VIM Executive Coaching.
“I feel as though I have been Gaslit,” is the usual phrase that some executives use to describe their workplaces and co-workers. Indeed, for any movie buffs out there, the term comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight. The movie won a couple of Oscars. The story is basically about people trying to drive a woman crazy to get at her secrets.
Modern-day psychologists tell us that gaslighting is a kind of abuse where others (be they co-workers, family or friends) work together to make another question their mental health or the truth of their observations or what they remember.
Psychologically, gaslighting is quite crippling. It is intended to hurt and is quite sinister.
Gaslighting behaviors may include isolating an employee, or demeaning them in a group setting, gossiping incessantly about someone or questioning their memory as to what they said, or flat-out denials of what occurred, or all of the above. We have seen real-life examples of all of those behaviors and, almost always, the denials are forceful and “shocked,” as in, “Oh, you’re mistaken, no one ever isolated, demeaned, gossiped, questioned, you in any meeting, etc.”
Charles Boyer
Charles Boyer, the sophisticated movie star of the 1940s and 1950s played the lead in Gaslight and when he wanted, could be as slick and smarmy as they come. He was tasked, along with others, of forcing Ingrid Bergman into doubting her very existence.
We bring this old Hollywood fact to life only to point out that those who practice gaslighting in the modern sense, aren’t the kind who walk across a stage and are immediately recognizable as villains. Those who band together to gaslight someone can look most any way, behave most any way or can certainly act as the best co-worker friend in one instance and then isolate them the next. Sometimes the tactics include not-so-subtle social media usage because (let’s face it) even anonymous comments get read.
The basis of gaslighting, of course, is to psychologically weaken someone to the point where they “fold,” leave, demean themselves or admit to something they never did. Does gaslighting happen inadvertently? Can those who join in to diminish or humiliate another be unwitting participants? Perhaps. Most often, they are weak and would rather join in with the crowd than to resist their efforts.
What puts out the gaslight?
Confronting the gaslighting in a workplace is not easy. Though it is a painful process to endure, what gaslighting cannot abide is authenticity. The executive who is faithful and mindful of themselves is impermeable to gaslighting. Authenticity is steeped in truth and not gossip. Authenticity loves “proof” and facts, honesty and integrity. When those characteristics are in force, no matter how great the isolation, the truth cannot be denied or diminished.
The good news: authenticity can be cultivated.
At VIM Executive Coaching we constantly work with executive leaders to bolster their authenticity and mindfulness. Often cultivating authenticity strengthens the virtues that are already present within you. We serve as executive leadership sounding boards as well as business coaches, for we understand the distress of standing alone in the contest.
We don’t know how the 1944 movie got resurrected. Chances are it was a worker or executive who was made to feel like an outsider when they knew they were right. When authenticity is cultivated, it is a powerful antidote to the harshest of critics. Gaslighting is not an executive leadership style, but a rather impolite tactic.