There was an incident at a company of which VIM Executive Coaching was recently made aware. An older executive, one who had been with the organization for 22-years, was recently terminated “by mutual agreement.” Mutual agreement meant the executive was not shown in the records as “being fired,” if the executive would not try to litigate against the organization.
An improper joke
The executive, who had never had a mark or counseling against them allegedly made an unwise joke in the presence of two employees. They reported the joke to HR, and it cascaded from there. The executive profusely apologized to the employees however, it was noticed that they almost immediately began to isolate, go over that executive’s head and made each day, day-to-day uncomfortable. In other words, the imperfect executive who committed an error – and admitted it – was not forgiven.
According to the executive, who came to us for coaching, there was an atmosphere in the company of unkind, sometimes off-color, sometimes biased joking that was overlooked. Board members allegedly joked as well, and often it was crude.
In speaking to us, the executive said: “My whole career there, I tried to be the good guy. I always complimented others. I messed up and admitted it, but the damage had been done.”
In this time of outrage and hurt
Having been business coaches for quite some time, we are quite aware that there are many sides to every story. This is true in even the simplest of human transactions. Especially now, especially in a time when social media and cable news reinforce that outrage and hurt are everywhere, care must be exercised to neither offend, be the offense too much or too little of anything nor to cross lines today, that may have been permissible to cross yesterday. It is treacherous territory.
In our experience, the daily negotiation has gotten more difficult. And there are, unfortunately, overlays. Older employees are sometimes judged more harshly than younger; country of origin or accents are under scrutiny; certain individuals are allowed more leeway than others based on no more than appearance or religion or race; political leanings (even if only suspected) are often a screen applied to workplace interactions; even, what a person eats, or views on television or musical preferences are frequently “packaged” with other details when complaints are brought forward.
When the grievance dossier is filled with detail, the less-than-sublime sublime and ridiculous, it is impossible to overcome.
Why we like Zen pottery
In China and Japan, Zen pottery is an art that has been nurtured for the ages. It is beautiful and also flawed. Potters will intentionally and skillfully, make a mistake in terms of shape, or a lid or splotches of color. Gazing at it allows one to appreciate its imperfection.
In a broader sense, we should sometimes concentrate on one another in the same manner. If we focus on the mistakes one has made, but not on the overall beauty of the person, we are going to get nowhere.
In the coaching of the individual, the individual said, “If I could take it back, I would move heaven and earth to do so.” Amazingly there were those in the company who agreed that it was a stupid joke, but not a sin beyond all incomprehensible sins and potential mistakes.
Yet, the executive was isolated and never fully forgiven. Fortunately, the executive quickly found a position with another organization. It did not remove the pain of the “mutual agreement.”
Mindfulness, being aware in the moment should have prevented the executive from coming out with a senseless joke. Mindfulness should have also been applied to others who were “so outraged” that they could not allow mistakes. To not allow any imperfection may, in fact, be as erroneous as expecting everyone to be perfect.
For perfection is a moving target and sometimes those who claim to be the most outraged may, in fact, be placing the target in front of them as well.