We have long noted the loss of employers to commiserate with employees. Commiseration, while not an uncommon word, is still one that is ill-used in relationship to modern day business settings.
In its original intent, the word was associated with competition of various types, e.g. “The sales manager commiserated with the team over the loss of a contract.” In time, the word slowly came to be linked to compassion, e.g., the sales team commiserated with Betty after she broke down in a meeting following her eulogy on the passing of “Mavis,” her 15-year-old pet parakeet.
Both shades of commiserations usage are true. Commiseration generally means “sympathy and sorrow for the misfortunes of others.”
Unfortunately, compassion in the workplace has been in decline. “We” don’t commiserate and in fact, many executive leaders avoid commiseration as vigorously as they avoid mindfulness. Some blame the rise and sense of flippancy associated with social media and most things digital while others point to remote work and interacting through video chats. Often, interactions are boiler-plate with scripted sentiments and fake concern. Authenticity of interactions are seen as fake and insincere. If executive leaders believe a scripted, even cavalier interaction is fooling anyone, they are unfortunately mistaken.
It leads to serious problems. Do these throwaway executive-to-employee exchanges matter?
Yes, they matter
In her recent article on the importance of compassion in leadership, Dr. Zay Clark presented two important statistics:
- 67% of employees who leave their jobs cite a lack of respect or care from leadership as their reason for leaving.
- Compassionate leadership leads to 41% higher employee engagement and 50% lower turnover rates.
While executive leaders who are inauthentic might believe that commiserating with teams or individuals are unnecessary exercises, recent studies on loyalty, turnover and a lack of care sharply disagree with that assumption.
Humans want to feel valued; they want their leaders to “see” them and to appreciate their triumphs and struggles. This is not a new phenomenon. However, as the work environment has changed, employees who have felt disconnected are no longer accepting the situation as being normal.
Authenticity can’t be bought
Authentic and compassionate executive leaders, those willing to commiserate with individuals and teams, are relatively rare. Even those who claim to have been in some form of business coaching fall short in the connection department.
The problem in this failure is linked to a lack of mindfulness. There is no end to business coaching coursework. The number of coaches is staggering. However, the more uncommon type of business coaching is one that cultivates a sense of mindfulness in executives. Authenticity can’t be bought; it must go from the internal to the external. That is, an executive leader must cultivate mindfulness, compassion and authenticity within themselves before going through the motions of commiseration with employees and teams.
Most executive leaders would rather not turn inward; or explore their own leadership mindset or take the time to become more authentic as leaders and people. It is a shame, for we have never seen an executive who wasn’t enriched or made more effective by being more mindful.
If we think about, we most fondly remember those leaders who were the most compassionate and caring toward us. In a sense, those feelings an authentic leader cultivated within us were often carried in our own management styles.
When mindfulness is placed ahead of all other factors, companies thrive. As an executive leader, if you can learn to authentically commiserate with those around you, the results are astounding.