She came through the door of VIM Executive Coaching with a slouched posture and downturned expression. We have been executive coaches for many years. Her demeanor suggested her work life had taken a dreadful turn.
“I am waiting for the axe to fall,” she spouted. “The shareholders want to take a giant to most of us. I am finished. I know it.”
She then went on an invective about how she had been wronged, how she had put so much effort into her position, how she grew her department and why others who had done less, much less, were being favored.
After we sat together and allowed the room to calm, and allowed several, deep meditative breaths, we asked her what it was in her life, at that very moment, she could control and what was out of her hands.
“I’m a Good Mom”
We had no doubt she was a good mother to two daughters about to apply for college. But in an organizational sense, that is not what we meant.
“In a business sense, what is it you can control, and what can’t you control?”
She had no idea. We re-phrased the question.
“Do you think you have been an authentic manager?”
She pondered the question with furrowed brow, then she pondered several beats longer.
“If you mean, ‘Have I tried to be present for my employees? Have I tried to listen to them, include them and motivated them to be better people? I think I have.’”
Then revel in that for now, we suggested. Also take pride in the non-feeling stuff; the performance of your department, the numbers, the work you’ve done.
“Acceptance of what is, is a sentiment of what is in the present,” we added. “You are an authentic manager who has had a successful track record with the company.”
With pointing those facts out to her, she began to lighten, and it formed the basis for a successful coaching relationship that eventually resulted in her gaining employment with a company in an allied field.
The Present Moment
In truth, acceptance is a present moment concept. Let’s imagine an entry level executive who is taken to task by a senior executive. The senior executive tells him, “In my opinion, the sooner you accept you will never make it in this industry, the sooner you’d better choose a new career.”
In that case, the word “accept” is not only misused, it does grave damage to the employee. In fact, after hearing something like that, the employee may be tempted to walk away in defeat, despite the fact the employee loves working in the industry. Even if the senior executive meant every bit of the pronouncement, it was an inauthentic way of expressing an assessment.
An authentic manager might say, “At present you seem to be having trouble grasping concepts. You need to apply yourself more.” Or even, “It looks as though you’re having trouble. What aren’t you understanding?” Both statements are forward thinking.
If we learn acceptance of the present moment, fully learn it, then we are on our personal paths to a more realistic journey.
It is much like the old adage of someone telling us, “Let’s face it, you have to accept the fact that you’re not getting any younger.” The expression has been applied to most every value judgment placed on people from the dawn of time, from judgments on an older person in regard to marriage to football quarterbacks to the 43-year-old who has a burning desire to go to medical school.
It isn’t a matter of anyone accepting an age but of viewing the present period in a life as a springboard to something higher and then working on being successful in that mindset.
In truth, the junior executive admonished by the senior executive can become extremely successful in the future; the older quarterback might have an outstanding career and medical school is not outside the reach of a 43-year-old.
We should fully embrace the present, imperfections and all, accepting we can work on those imperfections. Worries of the future are merely illusion, they don’t help us. The present moment will get us where we need to go.