“I’m constantly waiting for the really bad news,” said an executive who recently came to VIM Executive Coaching. She followed it up the statement by saying, “In fact, I live my life on the edge knowing that nothing will ever be perfect.”
We Listened
We know full-well, that one of the core skills needed for any business coach is listening skills, but sitting across from the youngish executive it was difficult to not wonder how she had gotten so pessimistic. Did she suffer a major business reversal? No, apparently not. Was her personal life in shambles? No, it was happy. Was her company in jeopardy? Negative to that as well.
“I live my life expecting the worst,” she shrugged, seemingly resigned to the fact that one day, most any day now, the world around her would cave in, and everything would be lost.
We asked if she had ever meditated.
“Like in a dark room on a mountain-top?” she laughed.
No. Simply to close the door of her office and meditate for five minutes. She shook her head “Never came to mind,” was the reply, “it all seems so silly, New-Age 1990s!”
Then another question, “Do you enjoy the feeling of believing that one day, and soon, that everything good in your life will implode?” She shook her head. It was a miserable feeling.
The Present
Sadly, our client is hardly alone in believing the “Gloom and Doom” scenario. It is an all-too-common phenomenon.
Some blame social media – it is an obvious argument to make, or even RealityTV, or any number of celebrity or business rags to riches story lines. Trying to keep up with the overnight successes of others is, of course, an illusion. However, many don’t see those things as illusory. We can, if we’re not careful, believe the digital posturing of others is proof-positive that we have failed.
Some try to alter the present by buying themselves a steady caravan of over-night delivery, on-line gifts, or gluttony of some type or even chasing silly pursuits. In the end, those pursuits, much like judging ourselves against digital images are bound to fail. For RealityTV is not real, and excessive self-indulgence is a deception, and so is believing in an image of pessimism and doom.
The present is the present. It us what we are given and what we must deal with; good, bad or indifferent.
The beauty of mindfulness, which is created by being fully present in the present, is the antidote to “waiting for bad news.” As executives, we can, of course, plan and strategize for business downturns, regulatory issues or any other negative events – and that’s good. But carrying an unrelenting weight of dread, accomplishes nothing positive.
Going back to our executive, we encouraged her to learn to stop – and meditate – for just a few minutes each day. In fact, we guided her through meditation at the start. She was at first skeptical but we reinforced the notion that meditation is not “religion” or “belief,” it is simply taking the rare, precious time each day to be fully in the present.
Meditation deals with what is, not what has been or will be. In time, she was able to see that the burden of carrying doom did nothing positive for her. It changed the way she dealt with the world and vastly improved the authenticity of her management and leadership skills.