“Compassion” is a trademark word of leadership these days. VIM Executive Coaching has witnessed the word’s usage to all kinds of leadership situations and perhaps that has been the word’s greatest downfall. The word is frequently mis-used.
Compassion is often confused with empathy. A deeper dive into both meanings show a very different mindset. Empathy is from the Ancient Greek. It essentially means to suffer along with someone. Compassion is from the Latin and combines “Com,” or with, and “Passion,” which surprisingly means “suffering alongside of someone who needs us.”
But seriously…
About a year ago, the differences between the words were made crystal clear to us. In a meeting we observed an employee trip and accidentally spill a cup of boiling hot coffee over her arm. Several in the meeting thought this to be hilarious, then they quickly interjected thoughts such as:
“Oh, are you alright? That must really hurt.” Someone else said, “I would be so embarrassed if that was me!”
However, an older person, perhaps wiser, immediately rose from his chair, ran to the company kitchen, and came back with paper towels he had dampened with cold water.
Though she kept insisting she was fine, she welcomed the coolness of the compresses and the attention. More interestingly, we noted the looks and the actions of the others: slightly embarrassed and somewhat contrite. Their remorse wasn’t necessarily for the woman we don’t think, but for themselves.
The reaction of most in that meeting was empathy; the action of the one person was compassion.
The event, and unfortunately many others we have lately witnessed, underscore a serious societal problem that has invaded the workplace and leadership – the lack of compassion. It is a turning away from the concept of suffering alongside of someone who needs us.”
When did we turn away?
Compassion is borne and nurtured from many springs. We can view parenting, spirituality, friendships, workplace values and certainly life experiences as coming together to nurture compassion.
The bigger worry is not when compassion starts, but when did we turn away? Now, about four years ago, David Niose, writing for Psychology Today about America’s shocking loss of empathy was comparing the 1930s to the present:
“Contrast this to the mood in America today, where almost all discourse is uncivil, whether online, on cable television or on the debate stage, and the utter lack of empathy becomes apparent. Nobody cares to calm down, to consider what it’s like to walk in the other person's shoes, to entertain the notion that others may feel the way they do for reasons that are understandable and valid.”
While it is hard to disagree with Niose, he again talked about empathy and not compassion. Yes, we all need to walk in one another’s shoes, but in a greater leadership sense, we sometimes have to help one another find new shoes or repair them or even euphemistically polish them for one another.
We believe that we started turning away from one another when we abandoned mindfulness for expediency. We cultivated an ethos of sound bites and quick fixes in our leaders (corporate, media and political), rather than heartfelt concern. Whether we want to blame reality television, social media, digital devices or politicians for a lack of mindfulness and compassion is a debate for another time. The real issue is: “Who is going to offer their hand to someone who has fallen? Who will help a valued employee who is struggling?”
The more mindful we can become, the more compassionate we can be. We have all witnessed what has happened when we, collectively, have turned away from one another. Perhaps it is time for us to mindfully walk with others instead of joking when they fall. To do that requires that we all become more mindful within ourselves.