Person standing with arm in air

Separating Want from Need

April 12, 2021

Recently, a client and friend walked into our Denver offices at VIM Executive Coaching looking rather perplexed. Without getting too specific, it involved a legal issue. Technically, it was arguable she was entitled to be considered for a modest pay raise under a recently passed ruling of equal pay for an equal job. And technically…she was also entitled to be denied for the modest pay raise based on her date of employment and the changed conditions of her organization.

Unsure, but Resolute

While unsure if she should proceed with the inquiry, she nevertheless decided to write a respectful and responsive email to the HR director and her boss. She is quite new to the organization. They mulled her request and denied the modest salary increase. It may be worth stating that both the HR director and her boss are women. They saw her point, and while they promised to review it in the future, the request was tabled.

“I wanted that salary increase,” she stated. “The person hired before me made more. Shouldn’t I also be entitled?”

An exploration of the topic a bit further proved that while she certainly had a valid argument, we saw the pay raise under this presumed new ruling would have amounted to less than a difference of a few percentage points.

Happily, we also learned that her boss, co-workers and even HR has given her positive feedback from the job she is doing. She is becoming known as a “people-person” who cares about those who work for her, and a compassionate executive who actually listens.

In other words, though they felt they could not give her the modest raise on a technicality, she is still highly valued. Indeed, she certainly qualified for an across the organization raise to take place in a few months.

“What should I do?” she asked.

We are executive business coaches who are highly mindful of injustice based on all parameters. However, there are times when the most resolute of employees must separate want from need. It may not feel right, but sometimes it is better to let potential conflict pass in favor of harmony.

Not a Defeat

We explained that while her point was valid, given that after the budget cuts of 2020, organizational disarray and a change of job responsibilities, there are times when want must yield to need.

She should not consider the denial a defeat. She was strong, bold and empowered in her inquiry, however, in the universe of mindfulness, we could also point out that her predecessor (who left the position on unfavorable terms) was hired for somewhat different responsibilities in a period of abundance.

Interestingly, because her inquiry was responsive and not reactive, because the conversation with HR and her boss was mindful, kind and open, she emerged from the meeting with the respect of the organization. It was not a “defeat,” and because she didn’t “react” her status as a leader is clearly intact.

No, we may not get everything we want, but as Mick Jagger reminded us a long time ago, we can get what we need. Considering the salary adjustment on the legal technicality may have resulted in just a small percentage of her good salary, “the want” will be rewarded in the future.

Why do we feel this? Because of the way in which she handled the situation with mindfulness, it has gained her allies, admiration and a positive reputation. Ultimately, she has come to realize that what we sometimes need is far greater than what we want. She has secured and strengthened her position in the organization.

VIM Executive Coaching offers dynamic, highly effective coaching programs for executives and entrepreneurs. Our unique approach combines ancient wisdom and techniques with modern approaches. We would be happy to offer you a FREE, NO OBLIGATION coaching consultation! Please click on the link below.

Free Coaching Session