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We are Afraid of Emotion, but Why?

June 28, 2021

We are quite aware at VIM Executive Coaching that executive leadership, in its broadest weakness or softness. It is a rather old construct, dating to the Victorian era, we would think, where executive leaders are so hands-off of encroaching on the emotional, that they feel safer not going there at all.

Understandable but Counter-Productive

That said, in these modern times many executive leaders are quite afraid to “get involved” for fear of a hundred reasons ranging from sexual harassment to bullying to favoritism. It is all understandable but also frustrating. No one seems to know what to do, or what the rules might be.

Yes, there is a small percentage of executive leaders who are always inappropriate or bordering on so, and we may as well be honest and say there is a small percentage of employees who are always looking to be offended or file complaints. Neither situation is ever appropriate. In neither scenario is there a happy ending. Nevertheless, in an organization of any size there is the potential for both to happen.

However, there is a wide gulf that exists between the employee who could use “more humanity,” and the executive leader who shuns all humanity. Yes (to circle back ‘round to the above paragraph) there are numerous fears about saying or doing the wrong thing. But on the other hand, is there not also danger in turning one’s back on the human needs of employees, work teams, peers and management? The conundrum is certainly solvable. In fact, the solution is readily apparent not in coursework, books or podcasts, but in stillness and mindfulness.

Dispel the Myths

Executives have “not gotten into trouble” because they lacked the mindfulness to deal with an important emotional issue in the workplace, but by ignoring the need to deal with it. In an authentic and mindful response (and those words are intentionally italicized) to a workplace issue, the executive leader in fact becomes empathetic to the situation.

Again, we need to stop here for a second and dwell on the situation. Being empathetic does not mean being weak or soft, but fully attuned. We can certainly be attuned for example as to why an employee committed bribery to try to make a sale however, as a flagrant disregard of corporate policy, the mindful leader can take immediate corrective action.

We can be authentic and mindful in understanding how an employee, brought up in a hate-filled environment might have inadvertently disparaged a co-worker’s faith, race or sexual orientation, but clearly, we would immediately understand how it is unacceptable. It must be dealt with and never dismissed.

What is not a myth is authenticity. Authenticity demands a consistency in mindfulness. For example. the mindful executive who responds to a case involving a serious instance of bribery amongst a large sales staff, cannot terminate the employment of one sales manager, and give a tepid warning to another sales manager who did precisely the same thing.

While both sales managers might have made an impassioned, indeed emotional appeal as to why, against all company policy, they committed bribery, they must be dealt with authentically, similarly and with a consistency. There may be an underlying relationship or even a history between the leader and one of the managers, but an authentic response, borne of mindfulness, will be compassionate and yet, even-handed in all situations.

An authentic and mindful approach may not magically appear overnight however, it doesn’t mean it can’t be cultivated. VIM Executive Coaching routinely guides executive leaders on the mindfulness journey.

There is nothing to fear from “emotion,” but to not have an authentic and responsive connection is the far more fearful.

VIM Executive Coaching offers dynamic, highly effective coaching programs for executives and entrepreneurs. Our unique approach combines ancient wisdom and techniques with modern approaches. We would be happy to offer you a FREE, NO OBLIGATION coaching consultation! Please click on the link below.

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