At VIM Executive Coaching we always appreciate the value of what is popularly known as down-time. Whether you like to swim or watch movies, go on training runs or defeat a pro-tennis star in a virtual reality game, it’s all good. A little relaxation is always a good thing. However, we would offer some gentle caution: don’t confuse down-time with mindfulness time and working on yourself.
The Golf Pro
We well remember the executive leader who was in love with the game of golf. In fact, she was so good, she claimed to have an “8-handicap.” We must admit to not being golfers, but from everything we’ve read, an 8-handicap is a pretty big deal. In her time away from the office (or on virtual calls), she was out there playing, putting, reading about golf, taking lessons and testing golf clubs. As we are always interested in what interests our executive leader clients, we asked her why she loved the sport so much. Was it, perhaps, her ambition – and we seriously meant this – to become a golf pro of some kind?
“Oh no,” she said. “Golf gives me relaxation and time to think.”
Then why, we wondered, have you sought out executive leadership business coaching? She explained that her people skills were not so good; she wasn’t always the best of leaders and – quite frankly – she obsessed to the point of distraction when she failed to finish high-up on the club’s leader board and open tournaments. We wondered what she meant by the point of distraction?
“I am miserable to be around for days,” she confided.
The Conundrum
The puzzle was that the more she tried to “relax” in her bid, we supposed, to reach a 6 or 7-handicap, the more miserable she seemed to become and the more she reacted, snapped or became difficult around subordinates and co-workers. So, we reflected, the game of golf was not really down-time or anything relating to “me time,” but more of a preoccupation?
“Yes, that’s unfortunately right.”
She had no option in the moment of honesty but to concede that while she was an excellent golfer, the game had long lost any semblance of relaxation or even socializing. For, she admitted, none of her co-workers could play at her level and that irked her.
We noted that while she was fixated on improving the game, it was eroding her executive leadership skills.
Not Our First Rodeo
It is not the first time we have encountered such a point of confusion. While outside interests and extra-curricular activities are certainly important to the work/life balance, they do not replace mindfulness. For even if our golf-obsessed client was a par golfer, if she was an executive who negatively reacted to every question, conflict or crisis rather than responding and being authentic, she was not being effective.
We have seen such behaviors before, where there was a kind of transfer, in that executive leaders blamed others for situations far outside of the work environment.
Frankly, we observed, that it was of no one’s concern whether she beat all of the touring pros in a tournament or placed number 500 out of 501 golfers! If she was unable to be an effective leader on “Monday,” for the most part what she did in a tournament on Sunday was of no importance.
Mindfulness meditation and reaching a state of greater authenticity might not be the equivalent of receiving a three-foot high, gold-plated trophy, but in the overall scheme of things it is far more important in work and life.
Over time, our client did become a far more effective leader by working on her mindfulness skills. While she remained a decent golfer, she became less fixated on the score and much more compassionate to herself and others. We would call that a major victory.