At VIM Executive Coaching, we cannot calculate the number of times executive leaders have told us they “moved on” from an unpleasant experience in a corporation or nonprofit association. It is, of course, human nature to want to avoid or cover-up a bad experience. It is understandable, and as business coaches we are sympathetic to those who have been “asked to leave,” or unfairly down-sized or made redundant or isolated or similar variants.
How are you handling it?
The problem with telling the world, and by extension, yourself, is that you have moved on from an unpleasant employment experience, requires the litmus test of total acceptance. Therefore, it is necessary to ask yourself three key questions:
- Am I holding onto any criticism of the organization?
- Do I still harbor regret?
- Is there anything I privately resent?
We at VIM Executive Coaching, at least at this stage, don’t need to know the level of pain or the specifics of what happened.
And, we will concede, sometimes the situation that led to a termination or a departure “by mutual agreement,” was the executive leader’s fault. We are not judges and juries but business coaches, and we realize that everyone is capable of making mistakes.
We also realize that the treatment leading to a parting of the ways, might have been behaviors that were reported but never seriously taken up by HR, such as sexual harassment or workplace bullying or observing theft or bribes or any number of illegal and unethical behaviors.
No matter the aggrieved behaviors by the organization or toward the organization, we know from broad experience that when it is held onto (much like a lingering and untreated physical condition) it will affect future employment possibilities.
We don’t really move on from unresolved hurt, shame or intentional acts of isolation. It festers. Before we go on, we need to add the obvious caveat that we are executive leadership coaches and not psychologists or psychiatrists. If the trauma, however it is perceived is painful, it must be addressed.
However, there is much VIM Executive Coaching can accomplish from a business coaching perspective.
Be as real as you can
Before an executive leader declares they have moved on, they should be as authentic as possible with themselves. It is a gut-check. Authenticity toward oneself is a true act of compassion. It is a good thing.
In being authentic, having a true knowledge of oneself, the executive leader can be fully mindful. It is a gift. In being mindful, the executive learns how to view the past with honest response rather than knee-jerk reaction.
All of this will lead to acceptance of what is and perhaps what has happened in a prior work experience. Mindfulness, of course, spills over into every aspect of work life. Mindfulness affects how the executive leader deals with numerous work place situations. It is impossible to move on from poor experiences without having the mindfulness to understand what occurred.
Yes, it can be difficult to give up on criticism (of self or others); of regret over what happened; from resentment of what may have happened. However, the prized gift of truly moving on is acknowledgment is acceptance.
Please allow yourself that treasure.