A client recently strode into the VIM Executive Coaching office and proclaimed: “You know what I hate? I hate phony people.”
Whoa! We asked, what brought this on?
Apparently, her company had an outdoor, “socially distanced” get together on a Friday afternoon after work hours. One of the higher up managers, a person who portended to always “in-control,” and indeed, “above-it-all mindful of others,” became mean, abusive and judgmental after downing a few libations.
“It was supposed to be a fun party,” said my client, “and I didn’t mind him getting a little tipsy, but he was vicious and biased in his comments and not even empathetic to a co-worker who had been battling a medical condition.”
We suggested that perhaps the infamous curtain so many put up was finally lifted to reveal a sense of his inner nature.
Mindfulness isn’t a Word
The angry executive had apparently been on several executive retreats, and proudly showed off a signed copy of a book by a famous spiritual leader. However, when his true self was revealed, when the curtain was pulled aside, he was everything he claimed he wasn’t. He used words like mindfulness and authenticity with ease, but he proved himself to be anything but mindful or real.
Our intention is not to deride a person who was “discovered” to us second-hand, after all, in being responsive and not reactive, we must consider all points of view. Nevertheless, we are continuing to see a somewhat disturbing trend where executives claim all kinds of mindfulness training that they pursued to “become more authentic,” and yet they seem to return to the same place from where they left. In short, mindfulness becomes an adjective, rather than a way of executive life and living.
The Curtain
We are all familiar with stages and curtains. We grew up with them since our first elementary school play. The curtain parted and anticipation gave way to laughter or tears but the point was that before the curtain parted, there was a frenzy; people running here and there; costume adjustments; make-up; nerves and nervous tension. The curtain covered for a great deal that was going on behind the scenes.
In a similar fashion are those who talk a lot about being “authentic” leaders by virtue of an online class or book or the feedback gained from other leaders who also consider themselves “authentic.” Sometimes the words become the curtain.
There can be – not always – but there can be a lot of posturing and dare we say, bragging rights as to whom is the most authentic or mindful.
Being mindful is not about the curtain, it is in hundreds of daily acts of humanity, compassion and genuineness. To achieve mindfulness is a meditative, reflective and inward discovery. The more mindful we are, the more the curtain dissolves until there isn’t a curtain. We become, mindfully, the same person whether the stage is in a full-fledged turmoil or as peaceful as a string quartet on a stage without adornment.
The purpose of this post is certainly not about someone who has a little too much fun at a party or those who claim “I know all about this mindful stuff, it’s no big deal.” It is to instead encourage executive leaders to be real in the moments of their lives.
Being mindful is a lifelong pursuit, but the inherent beauty of it all, is that it requires no books, podcasts, group exercises or magic incantations. It is an inward, guided journey that simply requires a willingness to be authentic. It is a stage without curtains or pretense.