Though VIM Executive Coaching is, as our name implies, an organization devoted to coaching executive leaders, we sometimes have to guard against a new client taking us down the road of psychology. And, we understand. It is very difficult for executive leaders to talk of workplace challenges without drifting into “the personal.” So much of our lives are caught up in the work experience that it is not always possible to separate our inner, psychological selves from inter-personal relationships or particularly difficult challenges. Talking about this reminds us of a former client who walked into our office with what could be described as a painful burden.
The Hourglass
“I’m facing my seventy-second birthday,” she started. “For 15 years I gave my life to my company. I did good work. I got promoted to vice president of technology. I’m proud of what we did. In the end, we just couldn’t compete. Now I’m old. I still feel I have something to contribute, but who the heck wants to hire an old bag?”
She continued that she had an idea for a small business allied to the space in which she had worked, but she felt washed up.
“I’ve never been the type to sit at home baking cookies for my grandkids, though I love them dearly. In my perfect world, I’d like to work until I’m ninety! What I do gives me energy and makes me feel vital, but time is running out on me.”
Sometimes as a new client has the need to unburden in a business sense, the best thing we can do is to simply let them talk. It also gives us a chance to reflect and respond to them and not to react.
Our initial response was not of the Pollyanna type. For ageism is a real, but unfortunate thing. We live in a society, very regrettably, where judgment is often placed above substance. We have coached older clients; male, female and trans clients; straight and gay clients; clients of every hue of the skin-color rainbow; clients of every religion; able-bodied and disabled clients and, of course, every “physical type” you can imagine.
And, most every one of them feels or felt judged to some degree. Yes, it is painful – no one with a beating heart can deny that – but the tragedy is when we let it define us. VIM Executive Coaching cannot cure the ills of the world, though sometimes we wish we could. What we can do, and have successfully done is to help our clients realize that what others think of us may not be controllable but what we think of ourselves is highly manageable.
Work with the Sand
No matter what any of us do, we cannot stop the sands of time. Today’s Millennial will become tomorrow’s Boomer. It is the law eternal. In helping our client understand that her assessment of herself was harsher than what others may have thought of her, we encouraged her to work at becoming more mindful and authentic as to what is, and what could be.
For in the honest assessment of her work life before her company collapsed, she was thought of as a good leader; she kept up with the trends of her industry and the technology of her industry; she was a recognized expert in her field and (never to be ignored) she had a vibrant network.
The sand running through the hourglass changed her appearance, to be sure, but it also positioned her to be in the perfect position to launch a company associated within an area of the industry in which she had been gainfully employed.
What was lacking for her is that she defined herself by what had passed, but not by what she was able to offer. Through techniques such as mindfulness, she appreciated herself, her abilities to motivate and lead and most importantly, that who she is, as an authentic, excellent leader, she could work as long as she wished.
We live in a world where all of us are often judged on irrelevant, inconsequential terms. However, your assessment of yourself should never be defined by any terms other than your authenticity and compassion.