There are times when being a VIM Executive Coaching business coach, helps uncover unexpected treasures. At first, they may not seem like treasures at all, but rather heavy burdens. However, we also realize that within reason, an executive business coach can help share a troubled client’s burden. As we point out from time to time, an executive coach is not – and should not – take on the role of psychotherapist though on occasion the boundaries can get quite close as in the following example.
The Laboratory
He was a middle management executive in his late forties, who had relocated to Denver from a small town in Northern New Jersey. He had, by then, spent eleven years in the cosmetics industry as part of research and development teams for two companies.
He had nothing bitter to say about New Jersey but he smiled that he was looking forward to his new job in Boulder County where he could garden, have a nicer yard and raise a few chickens and ducks. He jokingly offered to bring us a dozen eggs from time to time.
He was going to assume a senior executive position for a new natural cosmetics company. We congratulated him, of course, and asked him out of curiosity why he made the switch.
“I like the values of this new company,” then he added, “I’m tired of doing things that rip out my heart.” We asked him what he meant.
His smile had turned into sadness. It was also evident his breathing was more labored and anger rose within him. He recalled the times he was coerced to do things that went against his values, especially in regard to animal testing and overlooking results.
“I’m here because I don’t want to be one of those weak people any longer. Why was I so weak?”
Our response was, perhaps, unexpected: “Breathe, just breathe.”
The breath is at the core of mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness leads us to greater authenticity and compassion.
And you are different, how?
“You tell me to breathe, but how can I change the past?”
It was an honest question and frankly one we have heard from many decent and ethical people. There are literally hundreds of easily accessible stories about executives and workers in R&D, QA, sales and marketing who were coerced into doing distasteful things.
Some thought they were pleasing an imperious boss; some were fearful of losing jobs; some weighed committing a disagreeable act versus walking away.
Does walking away or loudly protesting an “order” make for an effective leader? We would all like to say “yes.” It’s the stuff of movies, but in real-life it is not so easy. Sometimes we are forced to bend, sometimes we even break.
To think we failed because we were weak is much too easy a blame game proposition. A person with a good heart who was forced to do unnecessary animal testing, or to fakeemissions data from a flawed diesel motor or even to open up bank accounts for customers who never asked for them should not be judged without a context.
Furthermore, for an executive leader to convince themselves they are forever unworthy or weak because they did something under duress, is a harsh judgment to say the least. Yes, they may have been weak in the moment, but it does not mean they are or were weak people. Life is not about being perfect, but striving for it. If we have failed in the past, we must overcome that characterization of ourselves by trying to be better.
Breath gives life itself. If we consciously breathe, allowing our imperfect lives to renew themselves through mindfulness, who are we to say, I will always be weak? Truth is, we don’t know what the next breath will bring, or the next job opportunity for that matter. Redemption is a beautiful thing, and redemption is watered by personal forgiveness. If we learn to just breathe there is no telling where the breath might lead us.