“What is the worst thing an executive can say to an employee?”
That was a challenge issued to us by a new client who made an appointment at the Denver, Colorado offices of VIM Executive Coaching.
He added: “Don’t use any four-letter words!”
Yes, But…
The response to the young executive’s question was not that difficult, it included nothing that would constitute even a remotely off-color word, and came as a complete surprise. In our experience, the worst catch-phrase, the worst fallback or most insensitive phrase an executive leader can consistently use is “Yes, but…”
We volunteered to explain why, but first we asked him why he posed the question in the first place. He explained that he felt badly after criticizing a production manager for thoroughly messing up an entire run of a new product.
“I yelled at him for not giving a rat’s (rear-end).”
We asked him why he put it that way.
“Because he walked off the production floor to make a personal phone call.”
“Then you were authentic and mindful in the situation.” And he was. While his choice of words may not have been appropriate in a more “delicate” situation, for a major production run on a factory floor, it was not an inappropriate response. We have certainly heard worse.
“Tell me about the ‘yes, but’ phrase.”
Cutting off Conversation
The worst thing an executive leader can consistently say to subordinates is the phrase, “yes, but.” It doesn’t sound offensive at first, but in fact it cuts off all chance for communication. If it is the constant, knee-jerk reaction of the executive, it is something that guarantees employee alienation and conveys the message that the executive does not care. Let us insert a more real-life example using another conversation between the director of production and a shift manager.
“Boss, I think I have an idea for improving the efficiency of the lines for producing the new hand-soap.”
“Yes, but I like the efficiency of the production process we’ve already approved. So keep to the tried and true methods.”
What the phrase does in that moment is essentially to say, “I am closed to any suggestions you might have; I am not interested in your recommendations and furthermore, we do it my way because my way is the best.”
What this does is to immediately de-value the employee. The employee will shut down, and worse, it erodes loyalty and a sense of teamwork. The authentic leader might have said:
“I am interested in any ideas to improve our efficiency and I appreciate you bringing it forward. Let’s get through today’s runs, and maybe we can meet first thing tomorrow morning so I can listen to what you have to say.”
It is a statement of “I really hear you; I deeply appreciate you.”
The difference here is that the first response, the “yes, but” response, is reactive. The second response, is a true response; it is responsive.
“I Hear You”
When the organization says to its employees, “I don’t hear you,” the organization has lost its collective mindfulness. It immediately signals a closing down of thought and communication. The “yes, but” proposition can apply to production, IT scenarios, HR or most any other function. It can be as obvious as negating an idea to improve a baggage handling system, to more subtle complaints regarding inclusion, expanding diversity or reducing carbon emissions.
Whether the automatic response is consistently “yes, but,” “not now,” or “No interest,” the executive leader has lost mindfulness and has lost the compassion inherent to mindfulness.
Once we stop hearing, on some levels, the organization stops functioning. To stop hearing will lead to catastrophic outcomes.