It’s not as unusual a phenomenon as we might imagine, but at VIM Executive Coaching we have had many clients initially come to us filled with regret.
“I should have had a stronger interview but somewhere in the middle of it, I shut down. The little voice said, ‘You know you can’t do it; you have no business being here.’”
Another, all-to-frequent variation:
“My first interview was phenomenal. The job was everything I imagined, but I couldn’t leave my town, my boyfriend, my church, my soccer club, my cat, etc.”
We are all too frequently quick to shatter our executive dreams over fears or because of frivolity, but why?
Was Anyone at Home?
This is hardly an unusual take on a bigger problem, but we are often our own worst enemy, and we often deny ourselves opportunity because we feel as though we are unprepared or inadequate to handle a new position.
Obviously, there are executive leadership positions for which we have no business in pursuing. Those are of the pipe-dream domain or the classic end-means problem. Naturally, if your involvement in the world of sports is coaching your daughter’s middle school soccer team, chances are your application to be General Manager of the WNBA Los Angeles Aces Basketball team will make its way to the paper shredder.
However, it is the executive who may be a group vice president of marketing who shies away from the senior vice president of marketing opening, that should concern us. What is holding her back? What causes her to reject herself before trying?
Executive business coaching runs a tricky balance. Clients will, on occasion, fault their fears on psychological problems. While we are not so naïve as to deny their existence, we maintain a distance from “the psychological.” Nevertheless, in focusing on the here and now, and not what may have tragically happened during childhood, we can guide the client through a much more realistic path.
We cannot answer a question as to why “no one was at home” for an executive during their childhood, but we can certainly help with “who is in the office (virtual or real),” now.
Mindfulness
Our area of pursuit must focus on being present and authentic in the moment. This is the whole area of mindfulness. Given goals within the realm of possibility and not fantasy, the mindful executive leader has every right to take her or himself seriously.
Going back to our first examples, you can pursue the dream of a new position, you can do it, and you have every right to be here. By being fully present in the moment, we can build upon that platform and help our clients realize that whatever happened to them in the past, is no predictor for the present.
Then too, of the fears about separation, mindfulness and the authenticity that follows, can show us it is exciting to find a new town, that our relationships (if authentic) will be with us, that there are other churches, and soccer clubs, and we can easily find a pet carrier!
While we are not being flippant, for change does bring challenges, we are in fact pointing out that our dreams have great value. Remember that the number of dream jobs are finite and that giving up before we have a chance to go forward, only leads to disappointment.
If you possess the credentials and the ability, shattering dreams before seriously pursuing them is a sad and bitter road along with to travel. By being mindful, cultivating authenticity and compassion, your dreams can be realized.
Don’t shatter anything precious in your life, as you are far better than that.