There are many types of executive leaders who seek business coaching at VIM Executive Coaching. The men and women fall into any and all imaginable personality types, from humble to officious; timid to brassy. It was jarring, but not a huge surprise when the former athlete, turned executive, turned former executive walked into our office with an expletive laced greeting.
Hard Times
He was indeed a former professional player who had a modest career in the European leagues. As you might expect, he is a tall man, who attracted a great deal of attention due to his physical presence. He has a quick and easy smile and a “party-guy” personality (freely mixing anecdotes with four-letter words) that must have “awe-struck” people enough to hire him into sales.
He initially thrived in sales, going from positions in the automotive industry to industrial supplies to a new sportswear apparel company. The apparel company took off like a rocket, and the former basketball player, a larger-than-life success, even made it to a few magazines and television appearances. He was an absolute hit at trade shows and everyone wanted to be around him, except, over time, his managers and suppliers couldn’t wait to get away from him.
Behind the scenes, he was not fun. In his own words (which are a bit sanitized here):
“I thought of our cool image and I thought of myself. I thought if I could muscle my way in and then charm people, it was enough until I couldn’t deliver.”
When the apparel company started to falter, the sites turned on him. The sales department is frequently the first to get blamed. In this case, the larger-than-life success was suspected of being a larger-than-life deceiver. He made huge promises which he could not keep, and worse, blamed those beneath him, fired suppliers who could not keep up with his unreasonable demands.
Eventually, he was “encouraged” by management to seek employment elsewhere. He was separated and that is when he found his way to VIM Executive Coaching.
One on One
To his credit, he was open to coaching. He didn’t know what he did wrong, exactly, and it bothered him. He admitted that as a basketball player that perhaps, had he listened to his coaches a little more, that he might have had a different career.
The biggest shift we noticed was that from the man who first entered our offices with the four-letter word vocabulary and the fraternity boy attitude, when he began to examine who he was, he turned a lot more introspective.
“I thought in order to be liked, I had to be a (expletive) jerk. It was the way I was raised and it served me in college. I looked at the guys who were working with me like you look at towel boys and trainers.”
We asked what he meant.
“That we were the important ones and the world couldn’t move without us. It’s the other way around. I had a good group of people around me. They had families and obligations and tried their best. They weren’t athletes, but they were damn decent as people. They tried to protect me. I (expletive) snapped at them. I let them down. I let myself down.”
The path to mindfulness is not often pretty. We have to examine and take stock of ourselves. Many people don’t want to do that. Many would rather blame everyone around them than to own up to their blameworthiness for their failures.
On the other hand, those who can maintain the course and keep on the path toward greater compassion for themselves and others, come away with valuable insights and understanding.
The tall, ex-athlete became a larger-than-life good person who was known for his compassion and authenticity. He went on to a successful career and had learned to better value people. And, most importantly, to value himself.